


Fear of Falling

by beach



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: BAMF Takaba Akihito, Edgeplay, Fluff, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 09:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19331881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beach/pseuds/beach
Summary: Akihito makes a surprising discovery about Asami. Will the fixer put up an even higher wall between them, or will Akihito finally find a way to break down the wall?





	Fear of Falling

**Author's Note:**

> To my readers: I'm sorry I haven't posted the next chapter of Color My World. It's actually written, but I haven't had time to sit down and edit it in one sitting, and I won't have time to do so until at least the beginning of July. It's just too important a point in the story to write in the five-minute intervals I can currently squeeze out of my schedule.
> 
> And I know there are many readers waiting for me to finish the next installment of the Checklist universe, so my apologies that that has also been delayed. Here's a little taste of the OG couple. This work technically doesn't take place in the Checklist universe, but it's not incompatible with it, either (and you'll notice that a couple of Checklist original characters have cameos here).
> 
> This oneshot was inspired by SelenaRogue's story "Hold me and don't let go," which made me wonder "What if Asami had a secret weakness? What would it be? And what would happen if Akihito discovered it?"
> 
> Japanese notes:  
> The Japanese name for Mars is written with the character for “fire” (and Asami makes a terrible pun about it).
> 
> Japanese is a very indirect language, and many things are implied rather than said directly. Therefore, Japanese people will rarely outright say they love someone - or even that they like someone. They still find ways to express their feelings, just in an indirect way.

"Hey, Asami, look at that!" Akihiito pulls his camera from his face and gestures, not at the glorious sunset he's been photographing, but at the sliding door of their apartment.

Asami sets down his chopsticks and looks at the door but sees nothing out of place in the apartment. He came home for an early dinner, only to be dragged out onto the balcony, where Akihito has been dancing around with his camera instead of sitting properly and eating with Asami. "What?" Asami asks.

"It's a  _ lizard." _ Akihito's face is filled with wonder as he raises his camera above his head and snaps a picture. He looks at the screen and frowns. "It's a bearded dragon. It must be Nakamura-san's from downstairs."

Asami waves his hand. "There are lots of lizards in Japan. It probably wandered up from the park next door. It'll find its way back down. Now come and eat before the food gets cold."

Akihito shoves the camera under Asami's nose. "Look. It's clearly a bearded dragon. See its frill? They're from  _ Australia. _ And Nakamura-san downstairs happens to own one. I saw her with it in the elevator when she was taking it to the vet."

Akihito sets his camera down on the table and hurries back over to the door, where he peers up, searching for the lizard.

"Shit. It's heading for the roof."

"So call the concierge and have them inform Nakamura-san that her lizard is on the roof."

"But the dragon's pregnant," Akihito says.

Asami blinks, wearing his smuggest expression. "Lizards are reptiles. They lay eggs."

Akihito reaches up towards the lintel. "Come here, girl," he coos, before looking back over his shoulder and rolling his eyes at Asami. "I know that. But she's about to lay her eggs. Look at the picture. You can see them in her abdomen."

Asami picks up the camera and looks again, noticing the marble-shaped outlines along her belly. "When did you become a herpetologist?"

"A what?"

"When did you become a reptile expert?"

Akihito jumps, grabbing a small ledge above the lintel. "My childhood friend - has a - reptile cafe in my - hometown," he grunts as he pulls himself up onto the roof. "I took the pictures for his brochure. Plus Nakamura-san told me some stuff in the elevator."

"Come back down," Asami says. "Your food is getting cold."

"Just a second. I've almost got her." Akihito's voice sounds farther away as he follows the lizard across the roof.

"Akihito." Asami's voice sounds sharp as he stands, heading towards the edge of the balcony in the direction Akihito seems to have disappeared.

"Ah, there she goes again!" Akihito cries.

Asami sees the lizard descend back onto the wall, well beyond the reach of the balcony. Then Akihito's arms come shooting down, followed by his head and torso. He scoops the lizard up.

"Akihito!" Asami's voice rings out again.

"What? Can you grab her from me?" Akihito holds the lizard out to the side.

"You're hanging forty stories in the air by your feet," Asami observes.

"My legs," Akihito corrects. "It's fine. I made sure the pipe is secure."

"Upside down."

"So?"

"So if you fall, you'll land on your head."

Akihito laughs. "Um, you know that wouldn't matter, right? Besides, I'm not going to fall. Anyway, can you reach her or not?"

"Akihito." Asami's voice still sounds stern, but he stretches his hands out. He's not quite able to reach her.

"Get closer to the railing," Akihito says.

Asami takes a half-step closer and reaches again.

Akihito sighs. "I'll move closer." He swings to the side, so intent on catching the tiny crack next to the dining room window with one hand that he doesn't hear Asami's sharp inhalation of breath. Akihito stretches the lizard out towards Asami, and this time, Asami is able to reach it.

"How do I hold it?" Asami asks, hesitating.

"Under its belly, like I am. She won't bite," Akihito says.

Asami gingerly takes the lizard.

Akihito reaches down and grabs the balcony railing with his free hand. "Back up a bit."

Asami takes a step back, and Akihito places his second hand on the railing, finds his balance, releases the pipe with his legs, and teeters in a handstand on the edge of the balcony for a moment that seems to stretch to eternity for Asami.

Then Akihito is tucking and flipping, landing on his feet facing Asami. "Easy-teasy." He grins as he takes the lizard from Asami. "I'll run down and give her back to Nakamura-san. Back in a jiffy."

 

Ten minutes later, Akihito is back, a little out of breath. “Look what Nakamura-san gave us!"

Asami stares impassively at the wiggly black cubes.

“Don’t worry. I told her you don’t like sweets, but she said this coffee jelly isn’t too sweet.” Akihito sets the coffee jelly on the table. “You probably don’t want to have any of the whipped cream, though.” Akihito pulls a small tub from the crook of his arm. “Now let’s eat!”

“The food’s cold,” Asami points out.

Akihito sighs. “Sorry. I’ll reheat it.”

He gets up and reaches for the plates, but Asami grabs Akihito’s arm and pulls him onto Asami’s lap.

Akihito manages to pull his mouth away long enough to say, “Hey! I thought you didn’t have much time to eat!”

“And who exactly was it who wasted the last thirty minutes?” Asami asks. “I’m hungry. Feed me, Akihito.”

Akihito starts to reach for Asami’s chopsticks, but Asami’s meaning is soon made clear as he nibbles on Akihito’s collarbone.

 

“It’s broad… daylight… you know,” Akihito gasps, staring across at the iridescent clouds on the horizon.

“The first stars are already out,” Asami counters, pushing Akihito onto his back on one of the chaise longues.

Akihito focuses on the glowing red dot near the crescent moon. “That’s not a… star. It’s… Mars - ah!” 

“I’ll set you on fire,” Asami murmurs.

 

Akihito breathes in the familiar scent of sweat, metal, cigarettes, French-milled soap, musk, and desire. As his own heart rate slows, his mind finds an anchor in the steady thump underneath his right ear. He lifts his head to steal a look at the vulnerable expression Asami reveals so rarely - only in these afterglow moments.

Asami smiles softly and pats the back of Akihito's head. Akihito can feel Asami's muscles tensing and senses he's about to sit up to reach for his cigarettes. Akihito knows that Asami's mask will return once he moves, so Akihito holds onto Asami's left side and slides over, reaching down with his other hand to Asami's discarded suit jacket on the floor.

It only takes a moment to extract the cigarette pack and lighter from their usual pocket. As Akihito pulls a cigarette out of the pack, Asami leans back, grinning. "Ooh,  _ more _ service, Akihito?"

_ Bastard, _ Akihito thinks but doesn't say. Instead, he stops the cigarette in midcourse towards Asami's mouth, placing it in his own instead.

Asami stares, still grinning and wondering what Akihito will do next. Akihito gently inhales as he flicks the lighter, taking care to keep the acrid smoke of the unfiltered Dunhill in his mouth, so as not to repeat the unpleasant experience of feeling like he's choking. Once the cigarette is lit, he takes it from his own mouth and puts it in Asami's.

Asami's grin widens, and Akihito blushes, looking away and blowing the smoke out to provide some protection from that intense gaze. Akihito suddenly feels naked, which is ridiculous since he's  _ been _ naked for over an hour now.

“It’s sweet,” Asami observes, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and frowning at it.

“You were the one who decided to get creative with the whipped cream,” Akihito mutters.

Asami ruffles Akihito's hair and takes another drag on the cigarette.

Akihito locks eyes with Asami again. "Have you always been afraid of heights?" The question slips out before Akihito can stop it.

_ Stupid, Aki. _

Sure enough, Asami's face immediately closes off. "Having a healthy respect for gravity is not a _ fear,"  _ Asami scoffs. "Just because I'm not reckless like you…"

Asami's face is a little  _ too _ closed off.  _ Wow, so he really is afraid. _ Akihito files that piece of information away to ponder later. "I'm not reckless! I respect gravity, too."

"People who take the risks you do inevitably make a mistake sooner or later. And the results are almost always fatal."

Akihito glares at Asami. The moment of intimacy is irretrievable, and anyway, Akihito Is too pissed to worry about that now. "That's rich coming from you."

Asami looks genuinely puzzled. "I don't go around jumping off rooftops."

“No, you just go around getting into gunfights.”

“I don’t go looking for gunfights.”

“Well, I don’t go around looking to jump off rooftops, either.”

“You did just last weekend with your friends.”

Akihito rolls his eyes. “We did parkour  _ on _ rooftops. We didn’t jump  _ off _ any.”

Asami’s phone buzzes for the seventh time in an hour. This time, he reaches for it.

“Megane-san’s going to be pissed at me,” Akihito says as he stands up. He pulls on his boxer briefs before grabbing the dishes from the table and taking them inside. _All that food wasted. Again._ _At least Asami got to eat half his meal._

Akihito picks up one of the half-melted coffee jelly cubes and slides it into his mouth. He sighs.  _ It’s really good. _

He decides to stick it in the fridge and see if it’s salvageable. He's just washing the last of the dishes when Asami enters the room, looking as impeccably put together as ever.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Asami asks as he wraps his arms around Akihito from behind.

"Mmm, around eight. I have to cover the Kurosaki-sensei press conference at the Diet." Akihito leans back into Asami.

"I won't be home by then." Asami grasps Akihito's chin and turns him so they can kiss.

Akihito wipes his wet hands on his boxer briefs before wrapping his arms around Asami's neck.

Asami breaks the kiss after just a moment when his phone buzzes.

"Don't go getting into any gunfights." Akihito says, keeping his tone light.

"Don't go jumping off any rooftops." Asami's voice is slightly less casual.

"Dummy," Akihito says, rolling his eyes. 

 

A few days later, Asami and Akihito are enjoying a rare afternoon in which they’re both home, awake, and not working. They linger over lunch, Asami reading the newspaper while Akihito reads a photography magazine. When he’s done, Akihito pushes back his chair and stretches his arms overhead.

“So… do you want to do something?” he asks.

“Like what?” Asami’s smirk makes Akihito blush, which makes Asami's smirk grow wider.

"Not that!" Akihito corrects, knowing he has only seconds before Asami will be too aroused, completely derailing Akihito's plan. "I got a new gaming system."  He waves what looks like a pair of goggles made of cardboard in the air.

Asami laughs. "Did you have craft time at school today, Akihito?"

Akihito rolls his eyes. "It's VR, dummy." Noticing Asami's blank look, Akihito adds, "Virtual reality."

Asami stares at the cardboard goggles. "Did you fall for a scam?"

"Of course not! It's Google Cardboard!"

"Cardboard," Asami repeats, his grin widening even more.

"I didn't make up the name. And they wanted to make VR affordable for everyone. They're even crowdsourcing a bunch of apps."

"And you want me to play a game with you using this cardboard? Do you have two?"

"We'll have to take turns," Akihito admits. "But I've heard it's just as much fun to watch someone else play it."

"Hmm."

Asami still sounds skeptical, but Akihito decides to press on. "Do you want to go first or second?"

Asami is still staring at Akihito.

“Look, I’ll go first.” Akihito starts one of the fright apps on his phone and slides it into the VR goggles. He makes it through the first couple of challenges okay by holding very still and focusing on his breathing, but when a clown jump-scares him from behind a curtain, Akihito screams and jumps away, falling to the floor. He laughs as he pulls the goggles off.

“You look ridiculous.” But Asami is grinning a bit as he offers a hand to help Akihito up.

“Your turn!” Akihito says. “You don’t have to play the same game!” he hastily adds. “Like I said, there are a bunch of different apps. I found one I think you’ll really appreciate.”

Akihito holds out the goggles, but Asami doesn’t take them.

“Come on. Haven’t you always wondered what virtual reality would be like when you were playing games as a kid?”

“I never played video games,” Asami says.

“Well, this is really easy. You just move how you normally would. No controller to learn all the complicated buttons. At least check it out. I think you’ll like the views in this game.”

Asami finally reaches out for the goggles. Akihito starts the app and gets Asami set up.

As soon as the app starts, Asami barks out, “Akihito!”

“What? You said you’re not afraid of heights, right? So what’s the big deal?”

Asami grunts as he moves his head in all directions, looking down past his feet.

“Don’t look straight down,” Akihito suggests. After a moment, he asks, “Are you ready to walk?” He reaches out his hand and gently takes Asami’s. To his surprise, Asami doesn’t pull away.

Asami lifts a foot and takes a shaky step. He keeps turning his head in Akihito’s direction. “It’s weird. I know you’re there, but I can’t see you.”

“Do you want me to let go?”

Asami’s response is barely audible. “No.”

 

Ten minutes later, Asami takes the goggles off. A light sweat has broken out on his brow, and he still seems shaky on his feet.

“See? I told you, it’s just a healthy respect,” Asami says. “Now can we move on to something else?”

“You’re awfully worked up for someone who only has a healthy respect,” Akihito says gently.

Asami scowls. “It was just weird. Like I said, I never really played video games before. It made me dizzy.”

“Ah, okay.” Akihito scratches his head. “Well, that’s fine then. I mean, the app is designed to cure people of their fear of heights in two weeks, but if you’re not afraid, I guess you don’t need it. There are fighting apps, too - maybe that’s more your speed?”

Asami shakes his head.

“They take place on the ground,” Akihito teases.

Asami scowls. “Akihito, do you need a punishment?”

Akihito opens one of the other apps. “Oh, damn. You need another accessory so they know where your hands are pointing and whether your shots will hit the target.” Akihito takes the goggles. “Well, I’ll just put these on the shelf in my room. Thanks for indulging me. Sorry you didn’t like the VR experience.”

When Akihito returns, Asami is sitting on the couch massaging his right thigh. As soon as Asami notices Akihito, he straightens back up.

“What’s wrong?” Akihito asks, hurrying over.

“Nothing,” Asami says tersely. He stands up but teeters for a moment.

Understanding dawns on Akihito. ‘Is that because of… because of your gunshot wound?” His eyes fill with tears.

Asami lifts Akihito’s chin and looks him straight in the eye. “I’m fine now. Really.”

“You don’t look fine. Is that why you didn’t like the game? I’m sorry. Maybe we should call a doctor?” Akihito frets. He tries to guide Asami back to the couch, but Asami stands firmly.

“What nonsense are you spouting? Do I need to remind you of all the things I can do with this leg?”

Akihito blushes remembering all the weird positions Asami has held during their escapades. But Akihito also remembers the cane he’d noticed in the front closet shortly after moving in. He hadn’t felt comfortable asking Asami about it then, and he feels like it would be too much to bring it up now. Instead, Akihito kneels down and gently runs his hand along Asami’s thigh. He kisses the spot where he knows the scar is hidden behind Asami’s pants, then rests his head against it for a moment. Finally, Akihito looks up. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Asami takes one of Akihito’s hands and yanks him to his feet. “I’ve indulged your silly games long enough. It’s time you indulge me.”

Asami kisses Akihito roughly.

Akihito groans, but Asami doesn’t break the kiss for several moments.

“It’s time you remember just who you’re talking to, brat,” Asami says, picking Akihito up and tossing him over Asami’s shoulder.

An hour later, Akihito’s mind groggily registers that Asami’s leg is certainly capable of bearing both his own and Akihito’s body weight, but there are too many sensory distractions for it to be more than a fleeting thought. Besides, Akihito’s mouth is occupied by one of the gags from the collection in the secret room, so he can't tell Asami about his observation.

Somehow, Asami seems to sense Akihito’s thoughts, anyway. Asami leans in and whispers, “If you’re going to worry like a woman, maybe I should turn you into one.”

He hoists Akihito over to the bed and reaches for a blindfold, slipping it over Akihito’s eyes. Akihito can hear Asami walking around the room and then returning. Suddenly Akihito feels a sharp prick on his chest, followed by a weird sensation of both pressure and coolness.

“It’s just saline. It only lasts a day or so,” Asami whispers in Akihito’s ear.

After a moment, Akihito understands what Asami is doing, and Akihito’s nether regions tighten.

“Ooh, you like that? Let’s see what else you like.”

 

Two days later, Akihito sets his camera next to his VR goggles. He checks the alignment of the goggles with the coin he set on the shelf above it and notices that, for the first time, the goggles are shifted an inch to the right.

_ He's using them. _

Akihito had left the printout of acrophobia apps sticking out behind some other papers on his desk, not  _ too _ obviously, but still easy enough to find. Until now, neither the list nor the goggles had been moved, and Akihito had chalked up his attempt to help Asami overcome his fear as a failure.

_ I should have known he'd be stubborn about it. _

Akihito grins to himself, but he practices keeping a straight face in the mirror before leaving his room. He rubs his nipples, which are still slightly swollen from Asami's saline infusion. Akihito looks down.

_ At least they're not visible through my shirt anymore. _

He blushes as he remembers having to rush to work an hour after Asami finished the infusion when Diet member Kurosaki’s house was raided by the police.

 

“Make them go down!” Akihito wailed desperately as he showered.

“I told you they’ll last about a day,” Asami reminded him.

“What am I supposed to do?” Akihito tried to squish the mounds on his chest as he toweled off, but they wouldn’t budge.

“You can put the bra back on,” Asami suggested.

At that point, Akihito decided to ignore Asami. He went to his room and put on his tightest swim rash guard, then a loose t-shirt with a busy design, topped by a long-sleeved shirt he left unbuttoned.

It was only later, chasing after Kurosaki when he fled the police van, that Akihito wished he’d more seriously considered Asami’s suggestion regarding the bra. Worse, Akihito had caught that asshole Mitarai staring at his chest in the newsroom as Akihito edited his photo. Akihito had casually leaned forward, letting his long-sleeve shirt block Mitarai’s view, but Mitarai had smirked as Akihito left in the early morning hours.

 

_ Hopefully everyone thinks he’s just jealous I got the money shot, especially since my chest is normal again. _

Akihito checks his face once more in the mirror, resolving not to ever mention Asami’s acrophobia again - or worse yet, his injury. Akihito heads to Asami’s bedroom, carefully opening the door. Akihito stands in the doorway, trying to discern whether the supine figure on the bed is asleep.

Asami’s eyes flutter open. He lazily grins and pulls the covers back on his left side, and Akihito hurries around the bed, pausing just long enough to drop his t-shirt and jeans on the floor. He slips into the bed beside Asami and settles into his usual position, head resting where he can hear Asami’s strong heartbeat.

Asami wraps his arm around Akihito and is asleep again before Akihito has fully gotten comfortable. Akihito breathes a gentle sigh.

_ I guess I didn’t need to worry about what my face looked like. _

 

Two weeks later, Akihito awakens to the smell of rice, miso soup, and steamed mackerel. He stretches as he makes his way to the kitchen.

_ Apparently Asami has actually been paying attention when I’ve told him how to cook. _

Technically, Akihito was the one who set the rice cooker last night, and mackerel is the easiest fish to cook, but he never figured Asami would follow the meal plan Akihito had taped to the fridge.

“Good morning,” Akihito yawns, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Asami on the cheek. He blushes when he realizes what he’s just done, but it’s too late.

_ Damnit. Since Asami is taking my role, I unthinkingly just did what he always does. _

“I- I’ll go set the table,” Akihito stammers, reaching for the cabinet where they keep the plates.

“I already did,” Asami says, not turning from the pot of soup on the stove. “How can I tell if the tofu is done?”

“How long ago did you put it in?” Akihito asks.

“Five minutes.”

“Then it’s good,” Akihito answers. He looks at the dining room table. “Uh… we’re not eating here?”

“It’s such a beautiful day, I thought we could eat on the terrace,” Asami answers absentmindedly as he stirs the miso into the soup. “You can see Mount Fuji today.”

“No way, Fuji-san?!” Akihito rushes back to his bedroom to grab his camera. He races out to the terrace. “Wait, where? Isn’t it behind the building?” Akihito frowns.

Asami comes out carrying a tray laden with breakfast. He sets it on the table between the chaises then walks over to the corner of the terrace. “If you lean on the railing like this, you should be able to see it,” he explains as he leans as far as he can over the railing and points at Japan’s tallest mountain.

Akihito steps next to Asami and leans over, too. “Oh, there it is!” He expects Asami to retreat to the safety near the door, but Asami rests his elbows on the railing.

“Would my shoulder make a good tripod?” Asami asks.

“Maybe, if you hold perfectly still,” Akihito says. He only takes pictures for a minute before reluctantly pulling the camera from his eye.

“You don’t want to take any more?” Asami asks.

Akihito shakes his head. “Fuji-san will still be there after we eat.”

“Do you want to eat on the roof instead?” Asami offers. “We can probably watch Fuji while we eat.”

Akihito is barely able to bite back a smile. Asami must have finished the acrophobia program. It’s cute how desperate he is to demonstrate he’s not afraid anymore (without, of course, ever admitting he was afraid in the first place). “Sure, we can do that,” Akihito says.

He picks up the breakfast tray, and Asami carries a low folding table and a couple of zabuton cushions. Asami leads the way up the stairway and holds the door open at the top for Akihito.

Akihito stands on his tiptoes on the side of the building facing Mount Fuji. He frowns. “That building’s  _ just _ getting in the way. It’s like a conspiracy or something.”

Asami stands next to him. “I can see it just fine. Do you want to picnic on the roof of that maintenance hut? You should be able to see well from there.”

“Uh, sure, if you’re-” Akihito stops mid-sentence. “Uh… game for it,” he finishes lamely.

Asami eyes Akihito but doesn't say anything as he turns and leads the way to the hut.

Akihito hands Asami the tray and climbs up first, taking the tray so Asami can follow. Akihito sits with his legs dangling over the edge of the hut. The hut is close enough to the edge of the roof that Akihito can see the street down below, but Asami settles down beside him.

"Can you see Fuji now?" Asami teases.

"Dummy," Akihito says.

He leans his head on Asami's shoulder for a moment, and they sit together watching the clouds dance around the mountain until Asami's stomach rumbles loudly.

Asami's death glare is enough to keep Akihito from laughing - at least out loud. He quickly turns and sets the tray up so they can eat while enjoying the view.

 

When they're done with their picnic, Akihito has to suppress another smile when Asami jumps down in the space between the hut and the edge, then makes a point to walk right next to the short wall edging the roof.

Akihito hops down next to Asami then up onto the wall. He grins down at Asami as he spreads out his arms to the sky, crying, "See? Jumping off rooftops is fun."

He hops back down next to Asami, who leans over and whispers with a grin of his own, "So are gunfights."

Akihito snorts.

Asami locks eyes with Akihito. “I’m serious. I can take you to a gun range. It doesn’t hurt to know what you’re doing around guns.”

Akihito gulps. He starts to scoff at the idea, but then he pauses and really considers it.

When he picked up that gun in Macau, his hands had shaken, and he'd shocked himself by actually pulling the trigger when threatening with the gun hadn't worked. For months, Akihito had tried not to think about what it said about him that he _ had _ pulled the trigger - and that rather than feeling relieved, he was more frightened and disappointed that the person he shot survived.

But now Akihito thinks about what he would do if he were facing down the barrel of a gun again. Obviously he'd search for another way first, but the situation with Feilong taught Akihito that sometimes there really is no other way.

Akihito remembers how angry Asami had been when Akihito begged him for the disk so Feilong would release Kou and Takato. Asami had brought up the many people who would die if Feilong got the disk, but Akihito had only cared about his friends. Worse, Akihito had been so gripped by fear, his ingenuity and quick thinking had completely deserted him, and the only solution he could think of was to do exactly what Feilong had requested of him.

When Asami had pointed out how asinine that was, Akihito hadn't listened - and then Akihito had done the worst yet, betraying Asami in order to save his friends. When he saw the devastation his betrayal had wrought, Akihito hardly knew what to say or do. He'd immediately confessed, but that was as much to assuage his own guilty conscience as it was because Asami deserved to know.

Not long after, he drew a gun on someone for the first time, but Feilong had known then that Akihito wouldn't shoot. And Akihito's failure - to think ahead, to observe, to shoot - had resulted in Asami getting shot and Akihito being whisked away to Hong Kong, where he deserved to spend the rest of his life after his betrayal.

For some reason Akihito still couldn't comprehend, however, Asami had faced down Feilong to retrieve Akihito. Asami claimed he needed to finally settle things with Feilong, but was that really the only reason?

Regardless, the next time Akihito picked up a gun, he  _ had _ pulled the trigger, surprising himself as much as anyone else. By that point, he understood that he was fighting for his life and Asami's - and Akihito, if he's anything,  _ is _ a fighter. A fighter for the little guy, for justice, for those he loves, for himself.

And if Akihito sometimes has to use a gun to fight against dangerous people threatening those he loves?

_ I'm okay with that. _

 

"Okay," Akihito surprises himself again by agreeing to Asami's offer to teach him how to shoot.

Asami's eyebrows twitch and the left corner of his mouth lifts higher for a split second before his face smooths and he says, "I'll have Kirishima set it up."

"I'm not going to get into any gunfights, though." Akihito grins. "Unless we're talking about paintball."

 

That night, when Akihito collapses on Asami's chest, he realizes that their heart rates are slowing down perfectly in sync. He smiles softly to himself as he wonders whether Asami can sense it, too.

"What?" Asami smiles back at Akihito.

"Nothing. Just…" Akihito trails off blushing. He looks down towards their feet.

Asami pulls Akihito a little higher up so Asami can kiss the top of his head. "I 'just,' too," Asami whispers.

Akihito blushes even redder. Asami's implication isn't exactly what Akihito meant, but it's not like he  _ didn't _ mean it, either. Akihito mumbles, "Me, too," which makes Asami chuckle.

They lie without talking for a long while, not needing words to communicate what they're feeling.

Eventually, Akihito steals a look at Asami and steels himself. Akihito clears his throat. "Um… about the fear of heights thing…" Akihito lowers his gaze. "If I was insensitive or made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."

Akihito keeps his body relaxed and his eyes directed at their feet. He doesn't really expect an answer, but he lets the silence grow.

Eventually, Asami lets out a soft sigh. "In my world, you can't afford to show any weakness - especially not fear."

Akihito hardly dares to breathe.

"Like I said, growing up I had a - a healthy respect for gravity, but it never impeded me. I'd climb onto the roof of my high school to smoke, and sometimes Shinji and I would walk up the supports of our town's suspension bridge on a dare."

Akihito still doesn't say anything.

After a moment Asami continues, "I didn't realize… until that day two weeks ago… Well, I can't afford any weakness."

He kisses the top of Akihito's head again.

Asami doesn't say anything more, and after a long pause, Akihito ventures to ask, "Do you think it's because of… because of your gunshot wound?"

Asami shrugs. "Maybe. Probably. When I…" he trails off.

"You were hurt pretty badly, huh? Is that why you took so long to come for me?" Akihito looks up at Asami with wide, clear eyes and a strong, stubborn set to his jaw, knowing that Asami has trouble lying to that expression - closing off, sometimes, but never lying.

Asami sighs again, this time much more loudly. "The bullet lodged close to the main nerve in my leg. The impact caused some temporary nerve damage, and it nearly severed one of the muscles in my thigh. The wound got infected, too, which caused more damage. The muscle has been surgically repaired, but the bullet is still there, and when the weather changes, I can feel it. But I'm completely fine now." 

Akihito props himself up on one elbow so he can better look at Asami. "I'm sorry. I was so focused on what I was going through, and when I finally saw you, you looked totally fine, so I just -"

Asami cuts him off. "I didn't want you to know," he says gruffly as his arm coaxes Akihito back down.

Akihito sighs. "Well, thanks for telling me. You don't have to be tough all the time with me, though."

"Mmm," Asami mumbles noncommittally.

Akihito props himself up again. "I've shown you my weakness. I won't judge you. No one can be strong all the time."

Asami doesn't answer, and after a moment, Akihito settles back down on Asami's chest.

Akihito feels himself on the edge of sleep when Asami finally speaks.

"... you're not afraid of anything."

"That's not true," Akihito mumbles.

Asami gives a disbelieving huff.

Anihito buries his face in Asami's chest. This time, Asami waits for an explanation. He doesn't have to say anything for Akihito to feel that after how much Asami has opened up, he has every right to expect Akihito to do the same.

Finally, Akihito says in a small voice, "Isn't it obvious? I'm terrified of - of losing you. That you'll throw me away one day. I don't belong in your world."

"That's true," Asami says, and Akihito's heart plummets until Asami continues, "but now that you've entered it willingly, I already told you there's no escape. I'll drag you into the abyss with me."

Akihito sighs. "That's not what I meant. Megane-san, all your associates I've ever met, even Feilong - they've all warned me that I shouldn't get too cozy or presumptuous because your world is so high above mine."

"They're idiots," Asami practically growls. He wraps his arms tighter around Akihito and rests his chin on Akihito's head.

Akihito is once again on the brink of sleep when Asami whispers, "They don't know that you  _ are _ my world."

Akihito thinks he can finally understand Asami's acrophobia as Asami's words make Akihito feel like he's suddenly diving off a cliff. But as Akihito is swept up in the feeling, he thinks,  _ Maybe falling isn't so bad. _

**Author's Note:**

> One more week of insanity, then hopefully I can at least post the next chapter of Color My World. It'll probably be another 3 weeks after that, at least before the last(?) chapter of that work.


End file.
